And today we’re going to talk about why we sabotage our own joy and how to stop pushing it away. There’s not one person where the worst case scenario has happened. And about 98% of the time, what they were afraid of is the change in their life that they couldn’t control and predict. Well, why do you think people panic when things do start going well? I want everybody to know you’re not wrong. You know, if you get to this where you have this thing of, oh no, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. You’re not wrong. In fact, over 70% of people have that point of view. And the other thing is 68% of people are afraid of failure. 60% of people are afraid of success. This is Dr. Dane here, and today’s conversation might completely change the way you think about yourself and the world you’re living in. Dr. Dane here is a best-selling author, international speaker, and the co-creator of Access Consciousness AR, a global movement active in 176 countries. For over 20 years, he’s helped people around the world step out of burnout, silence the inner critic, and create lives that actually feel good to live. He’s the author of Being You, Changing the World, and the founder of International Being You Day. looking, you’re listening or watching two people that were in very, very dark places in that victimhood place and look where we are today. So, we are showing that hope and possibility even in this conversation. Hang around people that make you happy, not the ones that judge you and tell you you’re wrong. And it’s okay to let people go. Energy work and how that really is affecting our lives every day. Energy is basically just your awareness. For example, like think about what it’s like to hug someone where you just melt into their world and it it is just so beautiful. The original meaning of weird was of spirit, fate, or destiny. So when people tell you you’re weird, just go, “Yeah, thanks for the acknowledgement.”
Hello everyone, and welcome back to Wake Up with Marcy, where we talk about healing, hope, and waking up to your true worth. I’m Marcy Hopkins, your host, and I’m so grateful you are here. Thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. Today’s episode is for you if you’ve ever found yourself thinking things are going too well. What’s about to go wrong? That moment where everything starts to feel good, but you can’t relax. That’s what we’re going to talk about today. My guest is Dr. Dne here, best-selling author of Being You, Changing the World, and co-creator of Access Consciousness. He’s worked with people in 176 countries helping them to stop judging themselves and start trusting who they really are. And today we’re going to talk about why we sabotage our own joy and how to stop pushing it away. So, welcome to the show, Dr. Dne. Marcy, thank you for having me and also happy new year. Happy New Year. It’s so fantastic. Super excited about 2026. Yes. This this is this is going to be a great year. It’s going to be a great year. I know there’s a lot of a lot of energetic things happening and astrological things happening. So, it should be a really positive year for a lot of people, but we have to do our work, right? Darn right. Yeah. And I’m a big believer in the work being as easy as possible and getting as much bang for your buck as possible out of the work that you’re willing to do. Exactly. Exactly. It’s just really about the action and the consistency. Yes. And having tools also because there are certain perspectives that that are more effective than others. And when we have access to what actually matches what’s true for us, the journey gets a lot easier, but it also gets a lot more fun. Yeah, it does get more fun.
So, you yourself found yourself stuck at one time and pushing away that joy. So, can you take us back to that place in your life? Oh, goodness. Yeah. It was actually 26 years ago and I was a chiropractor. I just opened my second practice. I was living in Santa Barbara, you know, paradise. And uh had a girlfriend and I thought I was the only unhappy person around. I would drive to work in the morning looking left and right going, “Am I the only one who’s unhappy here? Everybody else seems to have their stuff together.” And I got to a place where I was in such self-judgment that and and I’m a seeker, you know, like the people that watch your show. People who desire something different are willing to put in the work so much of the time. And I got to a place where I couldn’t handle the hopelessness anymore. I’d been unhappy for the better part of 3 years. And no matter what tools I used, it wasn’t changing. And I finally said to the universe, little Dane, big universe, I went, “Hey, universe, here’s the deal. you got 6 months. Either my life really changes or I’m out of here. And I meant it. And to get to a place of hopelessness like that, it’s like I just want anybody out there to know if there is hope. Okay. Um what occurred for me is a week later I saw an ad for something called Access Consciousness, something I’d never heard of before. I had an hour and 15 minute session. And in that time, I went from depressed, angry, and suicidal to grateful to be alive. I still remember after that session, I looked out the window at the beautiful clouds in Santa Barbara, and I was like, “Wow, has it always been this beautiful here?” And I just never noticed. Well, apparently it had been. And that one session started to give me a connection to not only hope but an actual visceral experience of this changing for the first time in a very long time. So that’s why 26 years later I’m a co-creator of this because it quite literally saved my life. And so here we are. Yeah. So you say in that actually very short time uh that that one meeting that you had started changing things for you. Yeah. So it’s quite amazing to hear that something could shift inside of you in that short of amount of time that something that could it could be that strong, right? the message that you heard and you were ready to hear that. Yeah. So tell us a little bit more what was being said and and what transformed for you. Well, it’s so I have to also acknowledge that if it hadn’t occurred for me, I don’t think I would believe it, especially where I was at at that point because, you know, I grew up believing in miracles. You know, I was a hopeful, happy little kid. And then just time after time of of seeing those hopes dashed got me to the place that I was. So, I totally understand. You know, I’m saying this and if you’re doubting, I don’t blame you. I would, too. So what we did, we actually did something called access consciousness bars. It’s a light touch technique that’s done on the head and what it does is it starts to dissipate it. It changes your brain waves and creates a space where the brain waves are more about gratitude, more about possibilities, more about joy. And we’ve done studies since and found that it relieves anxiety, stress, and depression an average of 87% with one hourong session and changes the brain waves as dynamically as 15 years of meditation in one session, which you know is an amazing claim. But it’s the neuroscientist that studied this that who was amazed by it. He went because, you know, I’ve I’ve just been doing the work. I I had no need or desire to try to prove it, especially, you know, I had no idea we would have a neuroscientist interested and who would come along and study this. So, it was it was something that I needed at the time, you know, and and the thing that I found is what’s required for us to have everything we desire is just to not give up, not quit, and not stop. and to start asking questions instead of functioning from the judgments and conclusions that we have learned to live from, you know, as people living on this beautiful green blue marble. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, why do you think people panic when things do start going well? I know that’s what we’re gonna talk about today. Like, why do you think people panic? Like I’ve been there. It’s a very It was very uncomfortable for me. Yeah. Me also. And I think a huge amount of it is the conditioning that we get. So I have an exercise for everybody. Watch any show and notice that if it’s an ongoing show, notice they’ll get to a point of resolution where everything works. Set a timer and see how long it is before the next drama occurs. And you’ll realize it’s between 30 seconds and 3 minutes for almost every show in existence. And so, and I’m not trying to blame anyone. I’m just trying to say that everything that we’ve seen and everything that we have have taken in is about that must be the way it is. And so, I want everybody to know you’re not wrong. You know, if you get to this where you have this thing of, oh no, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. You’re not wrong. In fact, over 70% of people have that point of view. And the other thing is 68% of people are afraid of failure. 60% of people are afraid of success. And what they’re really afraid of, see what what most people have been conditioned to is they would rather have the suffering they know than the possibility they don’t. And it it’s like, okay, I may be suffering, but at least I know this. I’ve learned. I’ve developed coping mechanisms. I’ve developed strategies so I can keep putting one foot in front of the other. But what if there’s something beyond it? What if there’s something beyond the coping mechanisms, beyond the strategies, beyond those that we have already concluded are the best that we can hope for. What is that? Well, that’s individual. And this is this is the other interesting part is a lot of times we’ll we’ll maintain a similar vibe to the people that we hang out with. So if we have friends who are always complaining about money, always complaining about their spouse, we will find ourselves sort of sucked into that complaining about money and our spouse. And of course you have to create your reality to match what you’re complaining about. And one of the choices that we have instead of going down that road again and again and again because every time we do it, it’s like we add another, you know, we add another 5 lb weight to the sack that we’re carrying. Instead, what you want to do is a pattern interrupt and and just do something very simple. Ask a question like, “What else is possible here I’ve never considered? What would it take to change this? What would happiness be for me?” And then if you’re in that place of something good has either just occurred or you’re in the place of trying to create it, you want to look and go, okay, so I re if you’re in that place where I guess you realize you’re stopping yourself. You want to ask yourself, okay, what is the worst that could happen? What is the very worst thing that could happen? And can I handle that if it happens? And if so, go for it. Because if you can handle the very worst, usually what’s going to happen is it’s going to be far greater than that. In fact, I have given this tool to thousands of people around the world. There’s not one person where the worst case scenario has has happened. And about 98% of the time, what they were afraid of is the change in their life that they couldn’t control and predict. And in stepping into that place where they were not able to control it from all of their past reference points, they started creating more thriving in their lives. More happiness, more money, more ease, greater business, greater family just by saying yes. And it sounds so cliche. I think there was even a movie called Yes Man or you know where it’s like just instead of that that reflex no that we all have and I say again you’re not alone and I know I know how it is to be in that place where everything is a no. Try saying yes. What is the worst that could happen? And then the willingness to ask some questions like what else is possible? What’s it going to take for me to be able to choose this and have it? And what if what’s right about me I’m not getting? And what would it take for this to work out greater than I can imagine?
We are all victims of worrying and we always have that worstc case scenario, right? That and and the fear and that keeps us stuck that keeps us from moving forward. some so much more than others. And I’m saying this from my own experience. It’s because I didn’t have the confidence in myself to move forward. I felt very even though things looked really good, I really had no no self-confidence. And I was very fearful of a lot of things. And the other thing that you mentioned is that control. People are so fearful because they can’t control the outcome. So, I love that you’re asking or encouraging us to ask those questions. But for someone that is control is everything for them, right? And maybe that is because they couldn’t control things that happened in their past if it was a trauma or whatever the case may be. And it’s very important for them to control the things that are happening in their lives. What do you say to that person? and and how can we discover and start implementing these changes and finding those questions to ask ourselves and even answer them in a positive way. So here’s the thing. One of the things that can be helpful, a lot of the control that we do, in fact, a lot of the structure that we impose in our lives, a lot of the ways that we react to things instead of act are things that we learned when we were growing up. And one of the things that might be helpful is write down everything you judge about you. and then look and see did my mom have this did my dad have this is it actually mine as a being or is it something that I’ve learned cuz what will occur is once again it’s it’s our conditioning so dynamically you know when little kids come in they don’t need to control anything you know and and they look at you and you melt why because they don’t have those walls of judgment built up and they are not doing any self judgment So it gives us a rare moment of being able to have a a moment of presence with a being who has doesn’t have judgment as their reality. And so when the reason we control is to try to avoid pain. And if once again you look at it and go truly like not just a throwaway phrase but looking at and going okay what is the worst that can happen and can I handle that? And then the other thing that can be really helpful is to ask yourself how old am I being here? Because one of the one of the big things that we do is we’ll have an event occur in our lives and you know let’s say it occurs at six years old and let’s say somebody yelled at you or you know you came to mom with this great gift and she was having a bad day. She didn’t receive it and she might have yelled or withdrawn or something like that. We all have we all have so many events in our lives that are sort of these keystone events that change our perspective on reality moving forward. And so if you find yourself stuck and not able to move forward, you can ask yourself a couple of questions. How old am I being? And just let your awareness drift back there. The thing is, we are all so highly aware, but nobody teaches us that we are and that we know. There’s not one of us that doesn’t have a knowing that’s far greater than we’ve acknowledged. And when we start to access that, we start to get into the driver’s seat of our lives. And so if you ask how old am I being here and you go oh uh 3 years old okay and then ask yourself what happened and you may not get a picture most of us don’t you’ll just get a sense of something like like I said being a happy little kid and somehow your you know your dad was having a bad day and he yelled or didn’t receive it and you create an idea that this is the way it will always be and my only choice now is to avoid this. But what if it’s not? And so in Access, we have this thing called a clearing statement, which allows us to change our points of view from the past. We have this thing called bars that allow us to de-stress and get relaxed. But you know, without going into something that’s way too long for our conversation today, one of the things that you can do is you as you are right now, just imagine you talking to that little you and giving it your awareness of what went on. And let that little you know it wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t its fault. It wasn’t even personal. People have their own stuff going on and it’s not your fault. And what does that little you need to hear to be able to heal from this situation? And with all the kindness you can muster, because we of course we all know this, we are our own harshest critic. And one of the things I say to people is if you had a really good friend going through what you’re going through, would you judge them this way? How would you be with them? And can you give yourself even a few moments of being that way with you? And so what we’re looking to do is we’re looking to because most people are on this track, you know, this coping mechanism has created a place where on this particular track where they respond to the same situation the same way all the time. You know what Einstein said? Definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. So what this is about is on the one hand it’s a pattern interrupt but on the other hand it’s also you getting present with the things that you’ve been avoiding in your life because the one thing that will continue to haunt us is anything that we avoid and can’t get present with. Well why would you avoid it? Well because it was hurtful because you thought you were wrong. It makes you feel wrong. So every time you access it you feel wrong because it didn’t turn out the way you wanted. What do you do after that? Well, here’s the weird part is whenever a similar situation occurs, you reactivate basically like that three-year-old consciousness to handle the situation. The same you that didn’t know how to handle it in the first place is the one that you bring to the four to try to handle it. Because that’s what we do in the case of trauma. We reactivate it based on everything that it was that we didn’t understand. But what does a three-year-old know about dad being unhappy and storming off? nothing. It just feels so intense. And so we’re functioning from the feelings of a three-year-old. And just in this being willing to treat the younger you with kindness and the willingness to do that creates a place where you no longer have to tr avoid, you know, and goah to try to handle the situation. Because one of the one of the other elements of what people are experiencing is they’re not very present in their lives because they’ve had so many of these things occur. Yeah. Well, if we choose to, we can use the present moment and the thing that seems stressful as a way of getting much needed healing for ourselves by doing exactly what I talked about. And and is it perfect? Well, no. And can we do more? Yes. But you probably got to do some access for us to be able to do more, you know. But even having a sense of hope that it’s possible to change, that’s all we require. We just require a little opening in the door, a little bit of hope to know that it’s not hopeless, that something else is indeed possible. Yeah. And this is what you’re teaching through access consciousness. Yeah. This is part of it. And and like I said, we we have this thing called the clearing statement, which is basically about for let’s say something comes up, you’re in the middle of an emotional trauma and you don’t know what to do, you can just go everything that is pock, which sounds insane if you haven’t used it, but again, say that again. P and P O D which stands for going back to the point of creation of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions immediately preceding whatever you did to lock you up. And literally there are, you know, hundreds of thousands of people around the world that use this every day, me included. It was it was actually a crucial element in me going from from depressed and suicidal to being able to not only have happiness but have it be sustainable and then also have it grow because you and and it works based on quantum physics. You know, quantum physics says you if you change your point of view, you change your reality. Well, this is a way of changing the past that’s been haunting you so that you can start to have a different present and doing it enough you actually start to create a different future, one that you look forward to.
Yeah. But what do you say to someone that is in the darkness right now, sitting in their car or the apartment they don’t want or the house they don’t want or the life they don’t want, and they feel like, “No, how am I supposed to move forward in any way? I’m stuck here.” Yep, I know that one. And the thing about that is there are certain people in that place that are in such a dynamic victim mode that they they won’t choose to get out because they believe the victim mode is their power. And the best I can do, it’s like, you know, I would love if there were one thing I could say to someone in that deep of a hole that would that would just shine one little ray of light down into that hole, you know? And what I can do is let them know you’re not alone. Let them know there are lots of people who have been there who have manage to change it. And and the other thing that I would do for someone like that is oh I want to say one thing that we do with victim by the way is when we play the victim role we’re actually doing it to control usually to control others. It has the effect of controlling us, of course, but we’re not looking at that at the time. You know, we probably wouldn’t do it if we realize how much we were controlling ourselves. It also takes away our choice for something different. But it’s also a way of victimizing others, which with how much pain you’ve experienced. Like when I was a kid, I experienced very intense abuse. I experienced sexual abuse. I experienced being beaten with belts. I experienced being hated in the house that I lived in. So I grew up in this victim mode about a lot of things. Of course, the people I lived with also did that as their their primary way of interacting with the world and and with everybody we lived with. And there was a day that I finally got to where I went, is this actually working for me? What am I trying to create with this? and is there a way is there something else I can choose that will actually work better for me and then another question that I asked especially and this is I’m going to give you a tool along with this one also that hopefully will be helpful one of the other questions that I asked was who am I being and I realized that that depressed energy that I was having that victim mode that I was choosing was just like my just like my stepmother, just like some of the other people in the house that I grew up in. And I went, “Oh my goodness.” And then I looked, I went, “What if it’s not even mine? What if I just took on somebody else’s structure of reality? I took on somebody else’s ghillie suit and now I’m wearing it and I’m can’t be seen because I’m hiding underneath it.” And I had an aha moment. And then this was before I started doing Access Consciousness just slightly before. And one of the things that we talk about in Access Consciousness is 98% of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions are things you pick up from other people. Somewhere around 90% of the points of view you have about reality, the very nature of reality itself are things you picked up from parents and family as you were growing up. And so is it even yours? And then we have to expand that a little bit because if you look at the world right now, you know, we both got on and went 2026 is going to be awesome. And you could tell a lot of people watching are like, I don’t think so. You know, and and that’s because of it’s part of that is how much are you aware of the people suffering in the world? and see a lot of the people that are watching your show, people who actually desire to wake up with lightness, you know, to actually wake up and and have a a beautiful nugget in their day, you know, like like somebody who actually values that, those tend to be the empaths of the world, the people that are aware of the world’s pain and suffering and they so desire to heal it. But the only strategy we’ve ever been shown for trying to do that is the same thing we tried to do with our parents of take it all on and then you might be able to make people happy. Except how much of your parents unhappiness did you try to take on and did it work? The answer is of course not right like okay what if I stand on one leg and put one arm over me and sing a jingle? Will that work? No, that doesn’t. And you try all these strategies to take them out of their sense of unhappiness. And because it doesn’t work, most of us believe we’re failures. But also, we keep turning it up and trying to heal the world, which that that can sound like a really large statement if you haven’t looked into this before. I say a lot of weird. I’m weird. Okay, let’s just acknowledge I’m weird. I know it. Okay, I’ll just I’ll just freely acknowledge those of you thinking that are correct. Okay, but the original meaning of weird was of spirit, fate, or destiny. So when people tell you you’re weird, just go, “Yeah, thanks for the acknowledgement.” You know, so I know I am a little weird sometimes myself because I I will act silly and I do not care today because that’s my joy. I’m not pushing away anymore. Yes, that and that is a choice that we It would be so great if we gave ourselves permission to make a lot more often. And so one of the things you can do if you feel well so this tool, who does this belong to? Let’s say you’re having sadness or hopelessness. If you ask, “Who does this belong to? Is it mine?” Either one of those questions, if it’s something you’re picking up, cuz we’re like big psychic radio receivers. We’re like big tuning forks, except we don’t just vibrate to one vibration. We’ll take any vibration that comes in and vibrate like it. And you know, science has shown us that emotions, feelings have a vibration. And so what happens is when 8 billion people are vibrating with hopelessness, guess what? You perceive hopelessness. But so one of the things that you can do is you can make a commitment to yourself to go, okay, I’m going to ask who does this belong to for three days to every thought, feeling, and emotion that I have. And if it lightens up at all, it’s not yours. Just return to sender with consciousness attached. And like have you ever have you ever been really happy and you walked into a room where people were sad and within minutes you’re sad? Sure. Sure. Or uncomfortable or whatever. Yeah. That and we think that uncomfortable, you know, social anxiety disorder is more awareness of people’s discomfort and trying to take it away from them oftentimes. And that’s one of the biggest ways of changing that. And and so we have the other one, seasonal effective disorder. I love that their acronyms are sad, you know, but part of that, a huge part of that is what we’re aware of that we think is ours. So if you ask who does this belong to, is it mine to let’s say you’re in the middle of sadness or hopelessness. If it lightens up at all, at least some part of it is not yours. And what you want to go, you want to acknowledge it. Okay, not mine. Return to sender with consciousness attached. Now when I say this, the healers amongst us, the people that you know desire greater for everybody and will do anything they can to create it are like I don’t want to give them back their problem. Well, if it’s not yours, you can’t change it. You can’t do anything about it. And when you ask to return it with consciousness attached, what you’re doing is you’re sending it to whoever the original source is with the gift of awareness of what they did to create it. And that sounds huge and are we really capable of that? It’s like well I found that we are but just try it. The worst can happen is nothing will happen. And yes it does take a bit of practice because we’re going around like so let me ask everybody a question. What percentage just in the last let’s say two or three days what percentage of all the things that went through your head or your body in this in the form of emotions and feelings or thoughts what percentage of those were not yours? More than 10? Yes. More than 20? Yes. More than 30? Yes. And some people like yeah good enough. But if you keep asking you’ll realize it’s upwards of 80%. Mhm. And it once again it’s a weird conversation but in attempting to answer your question about the person in the deep dark hole who has heard the rest and gone no I can’t. Well, how much of even no I can’t is not yours. How much of that did you buy from the people around you? Someone told you you couldn’t. Yeah. Yeah. Or somebody living that they couldn’t. You know, I picked up a lot of I can’tss from my mom and my dad because they couldn’t. So, I grew up, they’re my parents. Yeah. I can’t also. That might be another great exercise is what what is everything you’ve decided you can’t and is that actually yours? Is does any of this belong to mom, dad, or family?
I can relate so much to all that you shared about because I used to live in the victim mode from the alcoholism, you know, alcoholic home. I was raised in the abandonment, the sexual abuse, all the things, right? And the one primary thing that well there were two one that I wanted my mother to love me and that was the hope that I would always have this this relationship with her. Um that really wasn’t possible, but I had this hope that it would be that way. And then the second is that I would never turn into my mother, that I would never be my mother. And I got to a place in my life that from the outside looking in, it looked really good. One that a life that probably a lot of people might have even envied, right? But I was broken. I was collapsing. I was in that darkness. And for me, the only way I knew how to cope was with alcohol. So, I was completely off the rails and in this defensive, reactive state all the time. And it was never my fault. Nothing was my fault. It was what others did to me. And I had that transformational moment where I I had to realize I no longer could do this and that I was hurting those around me. Not only hurting myself, right? But it I had to start with myself. And so when I started making these changes, well, for me it was that that forgiveness part of it that I had to go through and recognizing my mother as a human being separate of being my mom, right? So not being attached to her just being my mom and what she should have done. It it was recognizing her as a human being, what she went through, her own weaknesses that I was mirroring, but I had to forgive that because that’s not for me to hold on to. And and so that’s what helped me through my healing and um also through that gratitude. So there’s so many things that that you’ve touched on that I related on so much and I just want to say you’re listening or watching two people that were in very very dark places in that victimhood place and look where we are today. So we are showing that hope and possibility even in this conversation and I I thank you so much for your vulnerability in in talking about this. We need more of that. We need more honest conversations and with people who are on the journey, you know, that that went from hopeless and and are finding hope in all kinds of areas. So, we know we can do it, too. Yeah. And that vulnerability, right? We think that’s a weakness and that’s where we show the most strength. Truly, it’s something something we have to learn, but it’s very very true.
You have an amazing book that is out right now. How exciting. And can you share with us about that? Yeah, it’s called Being You Changing the World. And it truly is about that. It’s you know how I mentioned that we have a lot of tools and access like tools to address the things in the moment. It’s filled with that. But even more so, it’s an energetic journey from but just by reading the book. You don’t have to do any of the stuff in there exercise-wise, but it truly is walking this journey of hope and possibilities. And what most so many people have commented, the the biggest comment I hear is, “Thank you so much. I realize I’m not wrong. I realize I’m not alone. And I realize I actually have been choosing and that I can make different choices.” and I am starting to create my life now. And for me, that’s the greatest gift there is. And I wrote the book and having gone on this journey from truly setting a date to end my life to waking up almost every day with a sense of joy, you know, like possibilities, looking forward to being alive. I wanted everybody else to have that wherever they are in their lives. So, it’s being you changing the world. And it’s just a really gentle soft caress of an energetic journey from hopelessness to hope, but also embodying it. There’s something within it that after reading it, you just are different. Kind of like that first session that I got. I didn’t know how that happened. I was just grateful that had happened. It’s a similar thing that occurs for people.
So, one of the things that in our world, we know, we know a lot about energy. We’ve learned about energy. We know the power of it, but there’s a lot of people out there that don’t really understand it. And there really are, I mean, so many that are cut off from it. M so can you share a little bit more about what you mean when you’re saying energy the energy work and how that really is affecting our lives every day so much so one of the things I want to point out is in once again working with a lot of people for the last 26 years is I found that so much of the time the people that have decided they most don’t get energy are the ones that at a previous time were so sensitive, so open and so aware and something occurred where they decided it was too much to handle and they just went no. So here they are today trying to be logical about everything and control everything and there’s another way and this this thing about energy is it’s actually our first language. is something we are all familiar with and you know it’s like how do the birds know when to migrate and we say oh it’s hardwired into their DNA and whatever but nobody’s ever found it there in order to survive they need to follow the energy of what’s being presented to them and all around them the seasons start changing and how is it that millions of birds at a time are like okay let’s go today you know it wow you know we never look at the miracle that is but it’s a freaking miracle But it’s also because like every animal on the planet if you allow them to unless we condition our our pets to be like us, you know, they will they have to follow energy is basically just your awareness. It’s and at least that’s one way to describe it. There are so many. But for example, like think about what it’s like to hug someone where you just melt into their world and it it is just so beautiful and you feel like you have permission to melt and it’s so glorious. And then think of what it’s like. That’s one energy, by the way. Or a conglomeration of them. Now, think about what it’s like to hug a rock on legs. Totally different energies. Yeah. And though that’s a really simplistic description, if we follow it, we can actually use the fact that we have energetic awareness to more successfully navigate our lives. Because none of this is about getting into a classroom and doing this because you’re in a class and no, this is about improving the quality of our lives. That’s really what the whole conversation is about. And so if we can acknowledge, for example, that we’ll be around certain people and we have this, we’re kind of like, I don’t really trust them. And everybody else like, oh, they’re great, they’re wonderful. And then you find out six months later that they shouldn’t be trusted. But you had that awareness at the beginning. And it it really is that that feather touch, that thing that occurs in the first moment of interacting with something that can be one acknowledgement of this energy. But it’s key to accessing our unique knowing. What you know about something, what you know about how to how to create your life, how to create things, choose things that nobody else does, is recognizing that we’re highly energetically aware. And one of the things that can be helpful is to recognize that what’s true for us makes us lighter. A lie for us always makes us heavier. And most of us have been taught to focus on those things that are heavy and try to make them light. What I get people to do is acknowledge when it’s heavy and go, what’s the lie spoken or unspoken? And if there’s a lie there, then that’s not the direction to go in. Because on a really pragmatic level, the more things you choose that create more lightness in your life, more happiness, more joy, more gratitude, more sense of connection, the lighter, happier, more grateful, and more connected your life gets. The more things that you choose that are heavy and contracted, which is a rabbit hole we all think we’re duty bound to go down, the heavier, more contracted your life gets. You know, it’s and and yet we’ve once again, we’ve all been conditioned to do that as though our job is to bring lightness to heaviness. What if you could quit that job now and instead have your job? If you’re going to have a job, maybe you could just quit all the jobs and just do it from choice. But if you are going to have a job, how about bringing more lightness to your life and everything that you choose? Hang around people that make you happy, not the ones that judge you and tell you you’re wrong. And it’s okay to let people go. I don’t understand why we feel like, well, I’ve been friends with them since they’re five. Well, who they were at five and who they are at 55 are very, very different. And what is it? Is it bringing value to your life? And that’s really what we’ve got to start questioning ourselves, right? I’m a true believer in people coming into our lives for a season, for a reason. Maybe it’s a lesson we had to learn or maybe they are a lifelong friend, you know, or maybe you’re helping them through something. But it’s okay to re-evaluate and let go and free up that space to allow others to come in. So glad you said that, you know, because once again, we vibrate like the people we’re around. I forget the exact words that you said, but is this adding value to my life? Yeah. you know, am I happier by being around this person or do I feel less than? And one of the things that I’ve used as my sort of litmus test over the last few decades is if you are my friend, I do not give you permission to judge me. Okay? So, if you’re judging and and anybody else can judge me, okay? I have lots of family members, you know, cuz that’s what family does. They judge you. Here’s the weird boy. We could have a whole conversation. People judge the ones they care about the most and they want to control the ones they care about the most. So you have all kinds of people like I care for you so much I judge you. And it’s like this is some weird bastardized version of caring. But that’s what we’ve learned from our parents who love us therefore they judge us and try to control us into only doing what’s right never what’s wrong. Oh my goodness. Okay. So if you have somebody in your life that’s judging you feel free to end the relationship or just do it. You don’t even have to say anything. You can just stop calling. Stop inviting them over. If they’re self-aware enough to get the message and they actually like you and they could be a contribution, they will call and say, “Hey, what’s up? We don’t talk anymore.” And you can go, “Well, I instituted that cuz I feel like you’re judging me all the time and it’s really not fun. That’s not a friend to me.” A friend is somebody who doesn’t judge me. And there’s so many perspectives that are helpful. One is choosing allowance. Allowance is where everything is an interesting point of view. Okay? Use the famous Russian Justin IPOV. Okay? Everything is just an interesting point of view. And I say that slowly because people think I’m saying point of view. No, I’m saying point of view. Vi. Okay? And here’s a really quick tool that can help. So, if you have some upset or some unhappiness or something in your life, some energy that’s lingering, okay? Okay. And this is another acknowledgement that we’re energetic beings cuz when something happens and somebody judges us or says something mean or something doesn’t work out, it’s not well it becomes physical but it’s not physical pain we’re experiencing. It’s energetic emotional which is energetic. If you think of feelings and emotions as energetic that might be helpful and you can you can use that to guide you. Okay. So everybody out there, so think of something that is maybe some upset you still have in your world from the holidays or whatever. Something that’s still like the monkey on your back and you haven’t been able to get rid of it. And I’m going to ask you to use a really simple tool. Just basically lower the walls and barriers. Stop trying to avoid it. Just be with it for a moment. It will not kill you. I promise. Okay? And then to that energy and to you, you’re going to say, “Interesting point of view. I have this point of view.” Okay. Mhm. And if you do it, you’ll notice some shift. And then to whatever is there, go interesting point of view. I have this point of view. Mhm. And it’ll shift again. And interesting point of view, I have this point of view. Interesting point of view. I have this point of view. Interesting point of view. I have this point of view. And so, Marcy, did you do it? I did it. You feel lighter and lighter. Yeah. that. Now, if this is See, I’m a big tool of having I’m a big tool. I’m a big tool. How are you? I’m a weird tool. Nice to meet you. Maybe I should have put that on my co-creator of access. I’m a weird big There’s always time. There’s always time. I’m at it. Exactly. What I was going to say is I’m a big fan of having tools in the trenches because if we can handle things in the moment, they don’t gather up, you know, they don’t they don’t collect. They and we we maintain more lightness through the day and more lightness through our lives. So one other element of this is if the upset that you’re experiencing involves another person what you can do after doing this interesting point of view I have this point of view you’re handling a certain part of it then next you would go and look into their world at what created all of that and you go interesting point of view they have this point of view interesting point of view they have this point of view interesting point of view they have this point of view and then the one that really sets you free if the upset involves another Interesting point of view. I have this point of view that they have this point of view. Interesting point of view. I have this point of view that they have this point of view. Interesting point of view. I have this point of view that they have this point of view. And what you’re doing with that is you’re getting present with it. But you’re also undoing the judgment. And we’ve got to recognize that us choosing to get through these things is a gift to us. And it’s our choice. Nobody can do it for us. Staying in victim, blame, shame, regret, and guilt. Is that really enough of a life for you anymore? You may have done it your whole life, but is it enough for you anymore? And what else is possible?
I love that so much. And I can’t thank you enough for coming on Wake Up. I mean, you have shared so much wisdom with us and I’m so grateful for that. And for all those out there, the listeners and those that are watching, please follow Dr. Dne and at Dne here, d a n h e r. And I’ll have all the information below and visit beingyouchanging the world.com for his amazing book being you changing the world. And one quick thing that you have done is mark your calendar for International Being You Day, which is June 22nd, which is so awesome. I love that so very much. And I’m just again so grateful. And to everyone listening, you are allowed to feel good. You are not too much, too broken, or too late. You don’t have to wait for permission to be happy. You just have to start trusting yourself enough to receive it. So, thank you again, Dr. Deng. Marcy, thank you so much. This has been wonderful. It has been incredible. And for those out there that are early in sobriety or healing and anything that’s made you doubt your worth, I just want to share with you my new book coming out, Wake Up You’re Not Broken. what to expect the first 30 days of sobriety, which is available for pre-sale on Amazon and will be coming out in April, which is alcohol awareness month. And again, thank you. Please share this with someone who needs to listen or hear this or watch this. And I will see you next week. Until next time, keep waking up to your worth.
