Wake Up With Marci

Worth is not something you earn. It’s something you own. No one else decides when you’re enough. No amount of approval, validation from others will make you love yourself if you’re still holding on to shame inside. That love for yourself comes from within. That dreaded question we as moms all have, what’s for dinner? Permission to not be perfect, no is a complete sentence. I felt guilty about not being the mom that I wanted to be, the wife, the woman that I thought I should be. And I knew something had to change. But I didn’t know where to begin. I hope you’ll let that person be me for you today. So, I created something called the care method.

Hello all and welcome back to Wake Up with Marcy where we have real conversations and radical healing. And today I want to share something from my heart. The alarm went off and it was a Monday and it was the start of a new week and I hadn’t even opened my eyes yet and the anxiety had already started creeping in. I know we’ve all felt that anxiety before we even got out of bed, the to-do list, the pressure to show up for everyone. And for me, I had fog in my head from the wine I drank the night before. And I was exhausted. Exhausted before I’d even started my day. Who out there can relate with that? I felt guilty about not being the mom that I wanted to be, the wife, the woman that I thought I should be. And I knew something had to change. But I didn’t know where to begin.

And then someone gave me a gift that I didn’t even know that I needed. And that was permission. Permission to not be perfect. Permission to ask for help without guilt. Permission to start over. permission to care for myself even if it meant saying no to others. And for me, that person was my husband. And maybe for you, it could be a best friend, a sibling, or a mentor. And if you don’t have that person in your life, I hope you’ll let that person be me for you today. I give you that permission. It took me 10 years to rewrite my story, to learn how to accept myself fully, to understand my value and worth and to embrace myself in a whole new way. And it changed my life. It changed everything for me. And now instead of waking up with anxiety, I wake up with gratitude. Instead of waking up in dread, I wake up with excitement. And I no longer feel that I have to be everything for everyone. Instead, today I set healthy boundaries. I communicate my needs. I put myself first so I can be the best version of myself. Not just for others, but for me.

I’m your host, Marcy Hopkins. I’m an author. I’m a motivational speaker. I’m a recovery advocate. I’m a mental health contributor on a new show called Connecting America that’s on USA Today. But most importantly, I’m someone who has walked through burnout, shame, and silence, and I’ve come out on the other side. And over the past several years, I’ve helped hundreds of individuals do the same thing because I believe that we all deserve a life filled with gratitude, joy, and selfworth. And I know it’s possible. And in this time together here with you on the show, I’m going to create a way that you know that you can do it too through these powerful shifts. Embracing gratitude, learning to advocate for yourself and set those healthy boundaries and forgive yourself and release the shame.

So let’s talk about what gratitude is, right? Everybody’s always, well, you got to be thankful. You got to be, you know, have this gratitude. A gratitude is a feeling of thankfulness and appreciation for what you have in your life right now. And I struggled. I struggled for so long with this. I was stuck in that cycle of lack. And maybe that’s where you are right now. Focusing on what I didn’t have, what I wasn’t getting, how hard things were, right? Life is always happening to me. all these bad things. But when I shifted my focus on what I didn’t have, everything changed. And the cool thing about gratitude, there’s truly science that backs this. Gratitude increases serotonin and dopamine, which are your brain’s feel-good chemicals, and it literally trains your reticular activating system to look for what’s good instead of scanning for what’s bad and those threats in our lives. Our brains really rewire and can see the good. And that’s where I’m at today. No matter what happens in my life today, I can see the things that are good. or see it as a learning opportunity. Right? So when we practice gratitude daily, it’s not just another thing to check off on our list, but it’s really how we can shift our mindset and we start seeing life as a series of gifts instead of a series of burdens.

So I want to share some really cool ways that I’ve learned to do this. Okay, before you get out of bed in the morning, think of three things you are grateful for. And you probably hear a lot of people say this. If you’re in this space, you hear people always talk about being grateful. And before you get out of bed, get out of bed, think of those three things you’re grateful for. And I promise you that it works because I’ve done it. And I want you to keep it easy in the beginning because when things are bad and life is crappy, it’s pretty hard to find those things that you’re grateful for. But I promise you, you can think of a cup of coffee. I love my first cup of coffee in the morning. A warm bed, a roof over your head. And then I want you to get like a box or a gratitude jar or just something that can be this for you and write down those things that you’re grateful for and throw them in there. And when you’re feeling overwhelmed or not feeling so great about life, pull them out as a reminder. And this last one, I love love love this one. Imagine waking up tomorrow with only the things you were grateful for today. Have you thought about anything that you’re grateful for? I mean, imagine waking up tomorrow with the things you were grateful for today. Start listing those things out so you can have those things tomorrow. And here’s the truth. You cannot feel stress and gratitude at the same time. Your brain literally cannot do both.

I want to give you a little exercise to do right now. What’s one thing you can be grateful for right now? Maybe you’re driving in the car. Maybe it’s the car that you’re in. Maybe it’s that you got to somewhere safely. Maybe it’s your kids got home, right? Or connecting with other people or you got a nice text from someone that you love or maybe someone gave you a hug or opened up the door for you. Just think of something you can be grateful for right now. And when you focus on gratitude, it literally quiets that noise in your head and it brings you back to the present. It reminds you that no matter what is happening around you, there is always something good. And when you truly notice these moments, you start living them. That’s how gratitude shifts your life from something you just get through to something you genuinely enjoy. like me today in life. I genuinely love and enjoy life and let me tell you there was a time I did not.

So I created something called the care method and this helps you to shift how you think and it takes you from being powerless to confident. So the first C is communicate clearly and confidently. We always hear about, you know, long relationships with someone or how things go well at work or whatever it is our kids. It’s about communicating effectively because your words matter. The way that we speak matters. When we talk to someone, the time the time we decide to approach the conversation matters because if we approach something in a negative way, we’re angry, we use the wrong words, somebody’s going to shut down. They’re going to get defensive. They’re going to throw those walls up. Right? So instead of saying this, you never help me. Like say you’re talking to your kids, your partner, whoever. You never help me with anything. Try this. I feel overwhelmed and could really use your help with the laundry or maybe it’s at work, the next project at work, or maybe with your partner. I could really use some help with the children. I’m really just feeling really overwhelmed right now. Right? Or maybe it’s instead of you don’t respect my boundaries, try this. I really need to set this boundary for myself and I hope you can respect it. And you know what? If they don’t, that’s okay, too. But right now, to help you to start shifting the way that you think and the way that you express yourself, here’s an exercise. Write down one you statement. You often use you never clean your room right to your kids. Now rewrite it as an I statement how you feel in that moment. We as parents can tell our children how we feel when they do things. I do this with my kids all the time. And I tell you what, my daughter has opened up her eyes to understand and see me as a person. with feelings that her actions actually affect me. But I have to do it in the right way. I can’t tell her how bad she is and and that she never listens to me. I have to tell her in an eye statement about how I feel when she does those things.

Then there’s A. We got C. Now we got A. Ask for help without guilt. I myself used to think that asking for help was like failing. So I would try harder, get better organized, push myself more, but it was never enough. I remember way back when when the kids were younger and I I would have done my work, taking my the kids everywhere. I’m helping them with homework and then now it’s time for dinner, right? that dreaded question we as moms all have. What’s for dinner? But you know what? I realized that I could ask for help because I thought that my husband and my kids expected a homemade meal every night. And I carried that guilt. But the truth is really that no one put that pressure on me. I did it to myself. And when I finally started asking for help, getting the kids involved, maybe asking your partner to help you, maybe it’s going on Instacart, maybe it’s feeling okay to order dinner because you’ve had a really busy day. That’s okay. You know what? Because I realize that no one was disappointed. The only person that expected it all was me. So now I ask for help without guilt, shame, or apologizing. And I know that you can do the same.

And then there’s R. Reinforce those boundaries. For me, I said yes to everything. I thought saying no would make me ungrateful or people wouldn’t like me or I was selfish. But I had to learn that no is a complete sentence. No, I can’t take on another project. Ask me another time and I would be happy to help. I just can’t do it right now. No, I’m not available this weekend, but it sounds amazing. I hope that I can come next time. Right? Just say no. Okay? You don’t owe anyone an explanation for choosing what’s best for you. I had to learn that I could choose what was best for me. So, when you start saying no to what drains you, you have energy for what matters in your life. So ask yourself, is this adding to my life or draining me? Am I saying yes because I want to or because I’m afraid of disappointing someone or not getting that validation I want? And then finally, there’s E. Embrace your worth. For years, I would keep quiet. I stayed small. I thought being accepted, meaning pleasing everyone else. But silencing myself, not speaking up for myself, not doing those things I needed for myself, they didn’t give me peace. It only kept me stuck. And everything changed when I stopped waiting for permission to be seen. So today, there’s no more waiting for someone to say, “You’re worthy.” I know it, and you can, too. No more shrinking myself to making others comfortable. We don’t have to do that. And no more apologizing for existing. Our past can make us feel like we got to apologize all the time so we don’t upset someone else. Stop apologizing for existing. It’s time to own our voice. And that’s not about speaking louder. It’s about stepping fully into our worth.

Okay. So, the science behind this, setting boundaries lowers cortisol, prevents chronic stress, and builds resilience. You have less stress and burnout, stronger relationships, greater confidence, freedom from that external validation, and it creates more opportunities for you, opportunities that are fulfilling.

And then there’s forgiveness. This is the third shift, forgiveness and self-worth, and letting go of that shame. Because you can’t fully own your worth if you’re still carrying shame. For years, for me, I used wine to cope. Pushing everything down and using wine to get through those exhausting days. Maybe for you it’s food or going on social media. We all have our things. But every morning I woke up feeling guilty, full of regret, fog, my head. I couldn’t think. And I had to learn that forgiveness, forgiveness isn’t about excusing the past. It’s about releasing it. Releasing that shame of what I was doing, the should haves and the weight of regret. Because when we let go, we create space for something better. And that something better is peace and joy and freedom. Forgiveness is a practice. It’s something we have to do daily. It’s not a one-time event. And I created something called the three Rs for self forgiveness. Recognize what’s happened without judgment. Just notice it for what it was. Release the belief that it defines you. You are not your mistakes. Reframe it as a part of growth. So recognize, release, reframe. Every chapter, even the hard ones, has something to teach you. And forgiveness isn’t just for yourself. Many of us hold resentment for others, right? A friend that let us down, a parent that didn’t protect us, a partner who wasn’t there when you needed them. Forgiveness is not about letting them off the hook or saying what they did is okay. It lets you off the hook. It breaks the chain holding you to that pain, to that memory. So when you practice forgiveness, here’s what happens. You gain emotional freedom. No more dragging around that resentment, living in that resentment, living in that story. Your mental health improves because you have less anxiety, less depression, less stress. You have healthier relationships because you show up being open. You don’t have those walls. Your self-worth strengthens because you stop punishing yourself for being human, making those mistakes. And you feel empowered because letting go is one of the bravest things you can do. I’d love to encourage you to do this exercise. I want you to think of one thing you’re ready to forgive yourself for or one resentment you’re ready to release. If you can’t do it right now, try to do it later. It really, really helps.

And here’s the truth. Worth is not something you earn. It’s something you own. No one else decides when you’re enough. No amount of approval, validation from others will make you love yourself if you’re still holding on to shame inside. That love for yourself comes from within. I want you to picture a day, a day when you wake up excited for the gift of a new day. A day when stress and overwhelm don’t control you. A day when your best friend says, “I don’t know what changed, but I am so happy you’re back.” A day when your relationship with yourself feels joyful. I’m going to tell you, the world doesn’t give you permission to rise. You take it. And right now, give yourself permission. Permission to take it, to forgive, to release, to rise, and to be free. Change doesn’t happen in a single moment. It’s a journey. A journey I’ve learned and I helped so many people through this practice, through these things that I’ve shared. And I want you to know you don’t have to walk alone in this. I want to help you to know that you deserve a life of gratitude, a life of confidence, a life of joy, and you do not have to do it alone. I’m so grateful that you have shared this time with me, and I got to do this show today with you.

I actually had somebody that was going to come on today and it didn’t work out. But I wanted to take this opportunity. I wanted to help you with practical tools and exercises for you to release that guilt in your life and reduce that stress and start thriving. I have created an incredible program. I I’m super proud of this because it’s everything that I’ve learned to help you to help you to wake up with ease, to wake up and live in joy, to wake up and know your worth. And it’s called chaos to clarity from stuck to thriving. I lived in chaos and I live in clarity today. I was so stuck and today I’m thriving and I have put together all that you need to start creating this change so you don’t have to go through 10 years of learning like I did. It’s a self-paced program that you can start today so you can become the woman that you deserve to be and live the life that you deserve. To have your voice, to set your boundaries, to let go of your past, to live in gratitude, to move from overwhelm. Stop with the stress. There’s so many valuable tools. So, I’m going to put that information into the show notes. And if it’s something you’re not ready for, I hope that you found value in this show today and maybe there was something that could help you.

I’m so grateful again that you were here with me on Wake Up with Marcy and it’s all about waking up your worth, knowing that you deserve a beautiful, beautiful life. And I can’t wait to see you next week. If this has touched you, it would really, really mean so much to me if you could subscribe, share it with someone who needs to hear this message or comment or like. These things all help me in spreading this message. So, thank you again for joining me on Wake Up with Marcy. I’m Marcy Hopkins, your host, and I can’t wait to see you next week. Thank you again for being here, listening or watching. See you next week.