Wake Up With Marci

But let’s say the year prior, like what was going on in your life? The year leading up to it was a day after day after day of just rock bottom. You didn’t want life to be that way. I had accepted um if this is the life that I have, you know, then this is the life I have. This is Eric Kennedy, a father, a husband, and a man who has walked the road of recovery for 15 years. He co-authored Marriage After Addiction: Take Back Your Life together with Exom Marriage, a book that laid the foundation for Recovery Vow, the nonprofit he founded to bring hope and healing to couples and families impacted by addiction. Through his book, a fast growing podcast, and the upcoming Recovery Vow Collective, he is building a nationwide movement partnering with churches, treatment centers, and counselors to help people rebuild trust, restore relationships, and write a new legacy. I didn’t want to drink. I had to drink. And I didn’t want to use. I had to use. I mean, I had attempted suicide twice. Almost 15 years sober. And you’ve remarried. So, how much longer after that did it take for you to get to the place where you said enough is enough. Eric, welcome to Wake Up with Marcy. It’s so fantastic to have you on the show. Thank you so much for letting me be on your show. Yeah. Well, I love to talk about um because it’s so important to me because I’ve lived it is is recovery and addiction and mental health. And you yourself have gone through this journey. You’ve you’re now sober 15 years. Congratulations. Yep. 15 years on September 27th. Y amazing. Amazing. Um I’ll hit 10 on October 4th. So, you know, October 4th, that’s a good day. That’s a good day. 15 years is a big deal. I’m proud of you. Yeah. Thank you. Well, 15 um I say now that I’ll be there, but right, every day, every day is a gift.

So, can you tell I know there’s not one thing, one moment that that made you choose sobriety, right? It there’s the whole leadup. Yeah. But what was that, let’s say, the year prior, like what was going on in your life, the relationship with your wife and and the the craziness in your head? What was happening for you? Yeah, it’s funny that you you worded it that way. Nobody’s ever asked me what was the year leading up to it because the year leading up to it was a day after day after day of just rock bottom. I mean, it was just what else could go wrong in this world? And and I’ll be really honest and transparent with you. Like I love to talk about um my story and I love hearing people’s stories of addiction, but it just carries so much weight and darkness and it’s almost like a comparison like you and I could sit and I could tell you all the the crappy things I’ve done um like I’m about to do in this this last year. But I really really love to highlight um the recovery side of things too because that’s where people um understand how there’s there’s no successful people like you and I. We weren’t successful in in addiction, but we’re very successful, depending on how you want to define success in recovery. And success to some people is different to the next person. Successful to me um just in month one was just returning to being a good daddy to my two boys. How about that? You know, it had nothing to do with job or money or any of that kind of stuff because that’s what it is. That’s just stuff.

But your question was, what was that last year like? So that last year, you know, I was separated from uh my two sons mom. I was she was my first wife. Uh we were married, I think we were married close to seven or eight years. We were drinking buddies and drug buddies, but when we started paying bills together, we we slowly became like roommates. Um yeah, if that makes sense. And um but we have two beautiful, beautiful kids together. And at that time, they were uh four and five years old. And so I got to see them every other weekend. Um, I had gotten two DUI, so I had lost jobs. I had lost who I thought were friends. Um, alone in a in a single wide mobile home down in the the country roads of South Carolina. And it just became that exactly what addiction is. It just became that dart. You know, I had things covering up windows that that disgrace of giving away toys and and furniture, whatever the the the dope man needed to supply my habit. Um to getting off work and and going and asking if I can cut people’s grass so I can get that five or $10 to get a a fifth of whiskey. And and that became my breakfast, my lunch, and my dinner. Um and in between that um to like wake up, I had to drink. It got so bad in the be at the end at the beginning of the day. Yeah. I’d have to drink Marcy because my handwriting would be different. I mean, it would just started into shakes and stuff and then you mix in cocaine and crack with that. It was scary.

You know, I remember standing at the at the window in this mobile home and I I I stood there and I said, “I’m just gonna I know there’s a car coming. I know there’s a car coming.” And I would stand there and just wait and wait and wait. And about 30 minutes later, a car would go by. And it wasn’t the car that I was waiting on. just my mind was so eat up with with drugs and just anxiety and that um I don’t know what is it what’s that what’s the right word for that it’s like you’re freaking out like and and I remember be on my hands and knees digging through the carpet looking for pieces of cocaine or something I may have dropped you was Oh absolutely the addiction is so strong and right our our brains are hijacked you feel like you you have to have it but but for you were you thinking at all during that time that you didn’t want that you didn’t want life to be that way? Yeah. Oh yeah. No, I had accepted um if this is the life that I have, you know, then this is the life I have. But I hadn’t thought through like how do I make this life better? I I knew that I at the end I didn’t want to drink. I had to drink and I didn’t want to use. I had to use. So, I mean, I had I had attempted suicide twice. Um, and I couldn’t pass away. Like, I I took a couple B bottles of Tylenol PM one afternoon after somebody asked me if I was an alcoholic, and I was just so ashamed of that definition being on me that I was like, I’m writing a letter and I’m ending it all. Um, but I did have those moments of clarity. To kind of answer your question, there were there were times, I’ll tell you a story.

Um, I was going, it was early in the morning. I used to love to do cocaine in the morning. And so it was a rainy rainy morning. I was driving on this dirt road back to this guy’s house um going as fast as I could because I I couldn’t wait to get there. And I I I slid off the embankment of this dirt road and and my car was nose down into the embankment and it was a front-wheel drive car so it just sat there and spun and spun and spun. So I got out and I was in shorts. I was in flipflops Marcy and I was walking um uh in the rain and I had no idea where I was going. I think I was just going to go get somebody to help me pull this car out because I had I had a mission to go accomplish, right? I had something to go do. Yeah. Um and I walked uh probably half a mile and I was cutting through this this sounds like a movie, but I want you to just be there with me, okay? I was cutting through this cotton field. It had been just cut. And I remember looking down at these flip-flops and they had about, you know, this much of orange clay, you know, I’m picking up like five pounds on each leg. And um I just looked around and I said, “Is this it?” I mean, is this, you know, this it’s a random Tuesday morning at 7:30. I just got finished watching an episode of The Golden Girls. I just drank a a pint of Canadian Club. And now I’m chomping at the bit to go smoke crack that I can’t afford to come up with the rest of the day. And I just remember it was like a moment of clarity. Is this it? like God, if you’re present, is this what you’ve got planned for me for the rest of my life? Is this my day today? And you would have thought like, I expected 50 white doves to fly to the pine trees. I expected the sun to explode and me to kind of just levitate and and you know, all this angelic stuff was going to happen, but it didn’t. Um, I just turned around and I walked back to that car. Um, and I remember walking past this old shed on the side of the road and um, I went inside of that shed and I kicked the siding off of it like this old wood and I just carried it with me. And when I got down to the car, I straightened the wheels out. I dug that orange clay out with my hands and I shoved that wood in there and I just laid on the gas until that thing got out and I went on about my business. It’s just like nothing ever happened. I I had those moments of clarity at different times where I was talking to God or I was talking to a greater a higher power of some kind that if this is it I don’t want this to be it take me out of it but if if this if you have more planned for me please show it to me soon.

So how much longer after that did it take for you to get to the place where you said enough is enough. Um so my my pay got changed. I used to get paid on Fridays and they backed it up because I would come to work broke on Monday. Um, so they changed it to Thursday. Well, this morning I’m telling you about is on Friday morning. Okay. So, Friday morning I had spent all my money from the night before when I cashed my paycheck on Thursday evening. And on Friday, I was going to the to get $60 worth of uh crack cocaine. When I got my car out, I I went and got it. And u let’s say that probably 8:00 I’d got I had that and I had a pint of Canadian Club and I had a can of Diet Coke and I was sick. I mean I just I was sick and I needed this. This was like become my medicine. This was like my my allergy medicine if you will that would help just clear the day up. But when I smoked the cocaine or the crack, whatever you guys want to call it, um I didn’t feel anything off of it. Um and when I drank that pine, I downed it and I was at I was pulled over off this dirt road. There was another cut off. It went to an old cemetery back way off the road. So early in the morning doing this and um I didn’t feel anything, but I had called into work and I told my boss who was the mayor of the little town um hey I’m not coming in work today. I don’t feel good. And by the time I got back to my house, I had a little bit of crack left in this little trailer I was living in. And I I’ll set the space. This trailer was a little kitchen that I’d almost burnt down because I’ve passed out with stuff in the oven. blat soot smoke everywhere from two three weeks prior in the living room I had given away all my stuff to the dope man and so all I had was a queen-siz mattress and box spring on just the rails and headboard and a footboard couple sheets and then I had the bottom of a military cot was my couch um I had a TV didn’t have any other furniture and the rest of this little trailer u went back to that that trailer on this Friday morning after calling in and um uh my mama, you know, I was 30 years old and my mama who who’s about, you know, four and a half feet tall, this little firecracker comes over with the mayor and two cops. Um and um but before they got there, Marcy, I remember I was laying on that that queen-sized bed in living in in the in the living room and I was thumbming through and I’m like, “This is this can’t be it.” And I had called um a treatment center and I said, “I am I am a very sick person.” And I told him, you know, this this last 15 years of addiction and all the bad things I’d done and I just I can’t live like this anymore. Well, thank goodness I had done that because after I hung up the phone with them, those people showed up and and they were they were I was being taken to jail. Um people had, I guess, file charges, whatever you want to call it, that press charges against me for uh what they call panhandling. I was asking people for money for drugs. Uh and it got back and this this little town was a town of maybe 550 people. So everybody knows you know they called my mom they called Mike the mayor and they had these two officers and they came pick me up and I went to jail and I spent eight days in jail and but I made a commitment to myself then and I know it was a lost in this muddy puddle of brain. Um but I I had I had to hold on to that commitment like I I want to get clean. Um, and once somebody wants it, it’s um, it’s pretty hard to to take that from I just especially if they really want it and it didn’t matter. I spent my time in the jail and when I was let go, I was let go with my mom and they said, “You got 24 hours to call that place back.” Because they went through my phone. They saw they they believed me then. I said, “I call for help. I called for help.” They said, “Where are you gonna spend your time?” But when they went and looked, they saw that I had called this place in Florida. And and it’s kind of funny now, but um I did call that place back and they wouldn’t take me. They wouldn’t take me because I spent eight days in jail and they considered that my detox. And they said, “Well, you need to be actively on drugs or alcohol juice.” I said, “Time out. I’ll be I’ll call you back in 15 minutes.” So, I’m going to go get a bottle and and and I’m gonna go get some drugs and I’m gonna use and then I’ll call you back. And they said, “No, no, no, no, no. It didn’t work like that.” So, I called another place and told them the story. said, “Hey, I’ve been off of it for eight days, but if I’ll go use if you need me to.” And they told me, they said, “No, you need to keep drinking. Go ahead and drink um drink at the airport.” Because what they didn’t want to happen is for my my imbalance, I guess, to kick in overdrive. When I got on the airplane, they wanted me to remain kind of calm. And so on September 26th, I flew to Florida from South Carolina. They ran my insurance and covered me to get I had to get to the airport and they would have somebody pick me up. So, I landed in Florida and that’s why I say September 27th is my Friday day because it was mid after midnight when I got to Florida and I got picked up by some random guy. I don’t remember having a conversation with him. Um, but I got took over to Florida Center for Recovery in West Palm Beach and it sounds like, oh, West Palm Beach is nice. It’s not. It was it was an old retirement or an old Alzheimer’s treatment center. It was just two buildings with these long hallways. But I devoted everything I had to doing this to just see what the outcome would be because I’ve seen the outcome of of doing it this way or this other stuff and um and I really wanted to see what the outcome could be. And so I started and I listened and we went through meditation and we went through, you know, different counselors talking to us and I got to meet other people and then they had these speakers come in and tell us their stories and that’s where I really found recovery was hearing it from other people. And you were there for 30 days. Is that correct? 31. 31 days. 31. Okay. I’m glad insurance allowed that extra day.

Um, so let’s let’s fast forward a little bit. So you get out of recovery. You get out of um rehab. What was what was your source of recovery after that? So living in this little trailer, I got to see Cameron and Christian, my two sons, every other weekend. Uhhuh. So I wasn’t with their mom and I definitely we weren’t divorced, but we weren’t married, you know what I mean? Like I had girlfriends and I think she was seeing other people. Um but I wasn’t seeing anybody um when I got when I went to treatment or when I got out. But uh treatment helped me find a I I couldn’t go back to that place I was living. Right. It was Yeah. And that’s what’s really hard for people. Talk about Y. Yeah. I mean, I think that’s a lot of reasons why people relapse sometimes is that they go back to um uh unfinancial stability or uh the home that they came from is, you know, all the the bridges that you burned are are there and it’s just a constant reminder. Yeah. And but people can get through that. I’m not knocking it. But for me, you asked about me. Um I went to a sober living house. I had to go to a transitional house. Um Okay. It was in it was in Lexington, South Carolina from Florida, which was close to kind of close to my parents and kind of close to my sons who were in Augusta. And uh I just used that time and treatment to be like this gigantic um you know when you play Nintendo when we were kids and you didn’t like where you at the game and you hit reset and you just start over. It was my it was my Nintendo reset. I got to hit reset in in 30 days. Um, and then you know those weeks after when I started um doing this transitional housing that was just playing the next two levels in life and and I hated it. But I wanted I wanted recovery. I mean I remember them putting us on buses and they would drop us off at different parts of Columbia, South Carolina. You would just walk around all day long looking for a job because you had to pay for your way. Yes. And I’m like, well, okay. Um, but the second day I was there, I was like, I don’t want to get on the bus. can I just walk around, you know, something that’s close to here because I didn’t want to be taking that bus for a ride to and from work. And I found this little chicken place. It was called Wings and L. And I would walk to work um from that transitional housing. And that that’s the life I accepted, you know, that’s this is where I’m at. This is me starting over. I’m 30 30 31 years old at this point. Yeah. This is what life looks like when you screwed it up and now you’re living with other people. This is what it looks like when you’re serving chicken. And I did that and I was I’m not saying I was proud of it, but I mean I wasn’t dead. I got You weren’t dead. You were making change in your life. It kind of humbles you as a person.

During that time though, were you building on a relationship with your were you divorced or were you separated? We’re separated. Um Okay. So, were you guys starting to rebuild anything at that point? Because I would say three months in, we we we started emailing each other. Okay. And it was it was an opportunity for me to say, I recognize all these it was able it was way because I’d been taught a 12step process. And she was on the list of people I need to make amends with, right? She was probably number one. But I wasn’t going to say I’m sorry. I just wanted to make amends and say I know that I done you wrong. Don’t I’m not asking forget for forgiveness. That’s you know because if they don’t accept that that’s a lot to carry you. At least you get to clear your mind and your heart. Um but we were we were emailing each other and I said um I’d like to see you. Um you know after after talking um she was already you know living somewhere else on her own um renting. Um, and the boys were with her and I think her mom was living with her and um, and we did we hung out one evening. She drove up from Augusta to Lexington. Uhhuh. And uh, and and we talked and and the next weekend um, she came and got me and I would say we we made a promise. We didn’t make a vow. We didn’t make a commitment, but we made a promise that we would try. Let’s just try it. Because remember that was my drug buddy. That’s my drinking buddy. So, I come back and hey, I’m not drinking. I’m not drugging. That doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. It just means that I can’t be that person anymore. Got a job kind of back in my field. Um, so I was doing good. So, but we made it Marc we made it nine months. Um, and it just it wasn’t going to work. So, I filed for divorce. I filed for divorce. Um, we are still friends. And if she listens to this episode, she’ll smile when I when I say that we are still friends. Yeah. Um, but I gained custody of Cameron and Christian. And so at nine months clean after living in a sober living house and then coming back to Augustine trying to make it work with your ex-wife. Um I was giving custody to two boys that were four and five or maybe this time they were five and six and we started over from You thought you thought scratch was living in Florida with nothing. We’ll try having nothing and now you got two other people you’re responsible for, right? But we did it. We did it. We we moved into an apartment and started over.

Well, I I love that because it’s like you’ll do anything for a drug or a drink, but now you’re going to do anything for the ones you love, right? And what there’s some things that you you brought up and I just want to point out and and this is something that you talk about and I’m excited about talking about your your book, Marriage After Addiction, but that your body needed the substance, right? whatever it is, you your body actually needs it to live. And I’m I’m actually very surprised that you were able to detox in in jail without getting very sick because for anyone listening out there, please don’t try to detox on your own because that can be very dangerous. Yeah, it wasn’t. Now, I didn’t get to tell that, but you’re right. I I was very sick. So, you have to think that morning I smoked $60 worth of crack and I drank a pint. And then you turn it all the way off. Yeah. And then do all that in a jail cell. Yeah. Uh and I had Okay, here’s the tricky part. I had to be on um uh confinement or like watch or whatever you want to call it because years and years ago when I got a DUI, I’ve had two DUI, but my first DUI, I worked at the jail. I worked at the jail. And so I was in that same jail I worked at years and years prior too. And so I was on um special watch or whatever. So then I was by myself. That was hard. And so you’re right, people get I got really sick. Um but I got really really sick after I got out of jail and I went to that that place that that did uh finally accept me, Florida recovery. I had a major detox when they put medicine in my body to help kind of flush everything up. I kind of slept for like three days. It felt like Yeah. I It was It was insanely scary because your body’s recovering and I slept a lot in my first year of recovery and I I kind of think well like we sleep a lot when we’re sick in other ways, right? Where our bodies have to heal and that’s what’s happening like always give yourself permission uh to to heal and and rest, right? And the other thing is our brains change. There’s parts of our brains that change. And um and this is all about getting the chemical balance correct. And I mean, just think about like what our brains and bodies are going through once we stop putting in these toxic substances in our body, right? Like they it changes the chemical balance and now it has to recover. And um so it’s really quite fascinating if you think about it like it is and one thing I remember learning in in treatment was the time that you think that you may have become addicted and a lot of times that’s for for most boys I think is around a 13 14 15 year old. Mhm. We have that childlike mindset from that time until we get clean. Exactly. Exactly. Not only am I having to hit all this reset from a brain dump and a body dump of these drugs and these alcohols, I also just recognized I’m I’m I’m 15 years old in a third 31 year old man’s body. Like my my thinking doesn’t operate like it should as an adult that age. My thinking is still childish. um and and not making great decisions. You know, my frontal loes fully developed, but I’m not firing on all cylinders. You know what I mean? No. Exactly. Exactly.

So, now you’re doing you’re you’re almost 15 years sober. Yeah. And you’ve remarried. Yeah. And I’m married up too, Marcy. I’m married up. You married up? I love to hear that. I love that. My my husband says that now maybe when we were going through uh my addiction and all of that. He maybe wasn’t thinking that, but now he says it. Yeah, he married up. He did good. Yeah. Thank you. But here’s the thing, like we’re telling you’re telling your story, right? we have these these dark pasts and and maybe why we we I used alcohol to cope for a long time from the trauma of my past and it just became a way of my life and then then it was affecting relationships and and for me it was alcohol and I was very fortunate in this isn’t comparing stories but it’s like I didn’t need rehab it was just you know was more like a bottle of wine a day which is not a good thing and it was affecting very much so my relationship with my husband and me as a mother. But but then there’s marriage after addiction and that is the book that you have written. And a lot of times unfortunately this affects our marriage, right? It affects the marriage while the addiction is active. Mhm. But then once someone starts healing, and this is one of the things you talk about in your book, and it’s so true, it is you do need to be selfish. You need to self-care, right? But then you take that too far or you don’t respect what the other person went through. You expect them to uh forgive you too quickly or trust you too quickly. There’s so many facets that have been broken and need to heal. So tell us about what inspired you to write the book and did your wife help you in any way with this?

I wrote the book. This is what inspired me about the book. I wrote the book for your husband. Yeah. you know, when I went through treatment, everything that that’s given to us, all these tools and these resources, it’s it’s it’s for us. It teaches us how to be healthy and healthy selfishness. Um because without us being healthy, we’re no good to our spouses or our kids or our family, our work, you name it, replace it. Um what I recognized after going through treatment um I tried to get my first wife to come along and and do um what options there were that I could find which was like Alanon and I’m not listen this I’m not knocking Alanon. There’s also a chapter in in that 12step book aa to the wives because back then it was it was only men getting hammered or doing wrong and that’s why there’s a chapter to the wives and not to the husbands. well that they knew about, right? We always did it in secret, right? So, um, when I when I pitched the idea of writing a book to Exomarriage in Dallas, um, I I had always wanted to put all of my stories like down on paper and and have some kind of like a autobiography, if you will. Just something I could I can I could read over when I get really old and I can’t remember anything. Yeah. So, I decided to go um to EXO and I I wanted to pitch um an idea of a book and I had a friend of mine. I pitched the idea to him first. He’s a published author with EXO and he said, “Man, this is great. People need to hear your story, but nobody’s going to buy this because nobody knows who you are.” And I said, “Okay, I get that.” Um he said, “So, just think harder.” And so, you know, um I did and I prayed about it and I said, “Okay, what what can I do is what what can my legacy be one day?” You know, what what can I do to help offer people um that are going through recovery? Um especially married couples. What can I do to help them? Well, there’s I looked and there was no resources for the supporting spouse. Um and so when I went to Exom Marriage, I had lunch with Jimmy Evans and Brent Evans and a couple of folks that work there. And I said,”I want to write a book and I want this book to be written to um married couples who walk through recovery together and I want to give them a guide on how to do that.” Very practical, um very easy. Um so because a lot of people remember we’re childlike mine. So when we get, you know, if we get sober at 30, we quit drinking started at 15, you don’t want to throw a King James version workbook, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. So, um, they immediately said yes because they couldn’t find anything out there. So, you know, a XO has these three A’s they call it that they talk about that marriages need to work on. It’s addiction, abuse, and adultery. These are the three that kind of destroy marriages. And this is how we could fill the gap of at least the addiction part of it. And so, Jimmy said, “Yeah, we’ll do this project, but the only thing I ask is that we will write it as a workbook.” And so, we wrote it as a workbook. And and I’ve got it here. I don’t know if you can see it, but it’s it’s not intimidating. It’s super thin. Um there’s no coloring sheets or popups, so it’s not that cool. But um you know, you go through this and like chapter one, it says, “Help my spouse is an addict.” It helps um the person that’s supporting this. So like my exwife or your husband now have this guide where they can walk with us and and be in recovery with us. And then the things that we learn, you know, from going through programs or or just not drinking, you know, there’s there’s things in there you’re going to hear that you may have heard before like some people mark their time in sobriety with these chips. Well, I need you to mark that time in sobriety with your spouse and go on a special date night and celebrate being in recovery together. There’s one chapter on there that I love to make my wife laugh. If I can make her laugh, that opens up the conversation for us to have uh um talks from things in the past. Now, my my wife that I’m married to now, Kristen, beautiful woman. She she and I met after. So, she we met in in recovery, but we can still use that same principle to just get through, you know, the home life. Now, if I can make her laugh, we can have hard conversations about why bills are so high and blah blah blah blah blah. You know, it just sets the tone. Um, but it it just gives people that that guidance, you know, just it’s not that complicated. You’re not going to fix this all in one weekend either. So, it’s written to have 13 chapters in it. So, if you want to do it as a small group with some friends um at your church, um I really like catching people when they first are just about to be released from treatment and put this in their hands as they walk out the door. Um and that’s what I try to do as a nonprofit. So, after I wrote the book, I decided to become a nonprofit and that’s when I started my podcast is the podcast is to give people a platform to come share their story because I got sober from going to treatment but hearing other people’s stories. So it is about that. Yeah. Um and then the book is a is a tool. Now it’s it’s there’s a there’s a big toolbox in this world. This is just one little tool that goes along with it. But you now you have this to just lean on. You have the podcast to lean on and we’re doing our new um subscriptionbased platform which is going to be our community where people that do come through the program or read the book or you know follow along on the podcast. they can get some extra u content time with me um networking with with other people um in that and so this this thing is growing Marcy I have no idea what’s going on I just kind of say yes but um it’s been fun to watch but I am a nonprofit so that’s the toughest part I’ve never ran a nonprofit before but when you tell people the mission they they tend to just want to give and help out um well I think it’s incredible too because right now I mean mental health and addiction Thank goodness we’re starting to talk about it, address it. Uh they’re starting to study it so much more and and or I let’s say the information’s been out there quite some time, but they’re they’re now putting it out there, right? So people can know what’s happening, what’s available, the help and support available. And so many people are discussing it now to try to normalize this conversation. Yeah. because we’re all affected in some capacity. Our families are if it’s not us, it’s a friend, it’s a family member, it’s a co-orker, it’s we all know someone, right? So, it’s not and we’re all in some kind of recovery. I mean, so I’ve had people on the podcast that have zero background with drugs and alcohol, they have a story to tell. Um, yeah, last or two weeks ago, I had a guy named Quinton Aaron on the podcast. Quinton Aaron played Michael Lur in the movie The Blind Side. gigantic human being. Gigantic human being. Yeah. And he came and he talked about the recovery he is in is the life he grew up in. And people need to see and hear that that he didn’t decide to fall into the addiction. And he just shares his story. And then, you know, we talk about the beauty on the other side of it because he just and that’s another chapter in here. He decided to be a generational breaker, not a generational blamer. Um and I I do that for anybody that wants to come on. We we’ve had moms and dads that come on and have lost her kids and that’s a different kind of recovery they’re in. Yeah. Um there’s a lady that’s coming on um that well she she her episode just come out yesterday. She had an addiction to food and so there’s a different kind of recovery there. That’s a process addiction. So we talk about substance addiction, process addiction and how even sexual addiction you can apply that and go you go through this book. This is a guide for the spouses. Yeah. That’s incredible because process addiction like you talk about doesn’t necessarily it’s not something that’s looked down on per se, but it does truly affect your life. It affects your relationships. It can affect your work and it it affects the mind and how you’re thinking all of the time, right? When’s the next time that I get to go work out? When’s the next triathlon, you know, I get to do? like it’s just whether you know it’s working out, it’s shopping, it’s eating, whatever the case may be. And what I love is that your your book and the work that you’re doing is that you’re helping us to understand what addiction is, how we’re affected by it, and how we can help our relationships and so much more. I mean, there’s the, you know, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Um, and and I just want to congratulate you on on all that you are doing in helping those in this faith. I mean, because the more of us that talk about this, the more people hopefully will get help or know they’re not alone or just we you said that you healed through stories and I always say that if you don’t heal or if you don’t share your story, you’ll stay sick. So sharing your story helps you and it helps somebody else. Yep. So it is through those stories that that there’s so much power and hope. So what um you were talking about also another book that you were thinking about writing to help others and parents I believe. Yeah. Um I pitched the idea to EXO. Um the release of this book um September 7 16th uh this next month will be one year that this book has come out. So, you know, um I need to give it room to kind of breathe. It’s done. I mean, it did really It’s done really well. It still does really well. Um yeah, and as a nonprofit, I like having just a bunch of them. Um I’ll buy my own book. Um yeah, at a low rate so that I I’m not making anything on it, but then I can give it away. I can just give it away because, you know, all we can do is plant seeds. Um 100%. But what you just what you just said was, you know, and I appreciate you saying that, but I just I’m tired of people being scared and in the dark when it comes to addiction. Addiction is addiction. You got to talk about it. Um, but the beauty Yeah. So much beauty. Yeah. And and and that is where I really want to shine a light on people and their stories. Um, look at where they come. I was I was here last night um uh at work and a lady walked up to me and she said, “You know, I went through I did a beta test with this book.” I had we didn’t have copies and I was running copies off the printer. So, I had we I did a beta test and one lady went through this with her husband and she celebrated the year last night. So, let me tell you what that means to me. That means out of all the money I raised, out of all the books I gave away, out of all the podcasts I did, I did it for her. And I mean that when I say that, I really do mean that. To have that woman walk up and she looked better. She looked healthy and she was humble and she was thankful. And it wasn’t like, “Hey, you saved my life. This book saved my life.” It’s not that at all. It’s just, “Hey, I’m 365 days sober today.” Yeah. And oh, by the way, you remember I went through your your workshop or your um your beta test and and that’s what kicked it off. And I’m like, you’re kidding me. So, I will do a video later and like post and kind of brag on her, but um people No, it is amazing. Yeah. I mean, me too. I mean, through this process, which I never thought I would do any of these things, these things that I’m doing today in life. Um but yeah, I mean I put out my book Chaos to Clarity and that’s my and I always say the same thing, you know, at I share the story of the addiction, but it’s about the recovery, what I’ve learned, how it’s changed my life and and that’s the the beauty and everything that I’ve learned in in shifting my mindset, healing from my past, gratitude, spirituality, all those things can help anyone in their lives. Doesn’t matter what. You don’t you don’t need to be um addicted to alcohol or drugs to learn and heal and be better in life. Um and I know that’s one of the things that you talk about a lot also within your book about not trying to push God or down somebody’s throat. It’s not about that. It’s it’s about the higher power having faith that the universal love if you will like what that looks like for you and just knowing that something is bigger than you and you don’t have to do this on your own. Right. Right.

Um let me let me touch on that for just a minute because I do want I do want I don’t want to scare people with that because a lot of people ask me why don’t you have like scripture in your in your book and all that. Well, there’s a reason for that. Um, and and I need to be clear when I say this. I work for a church. I got invited to this church um when I was two years sober at an Easter service and I had um I had three questions. This is how stupid I am. Um don’t say those words. Words matter. Well, this is how this is this is my stinking thinking or my childlike mindset because I had a wall up when it came to church. Um, I had experienced church when I was younger, but it just I didn’t have a good experience. And so I was like, “Okay, I’ll go. I’ll go. Me and Cameron and Christian, we’ll go.” Um, but if they put their hands up in the air or if they’re running around or if they’re handing out snakes, I’m gone. I am out. Um, and that didn’t happen. But it was the wall I had up and as soon as I got here, man, it was he didn’t know he was talking to just one person in the room, but everybody had left and it was just me on that first day. And I mean, it was just tears. And so I I signed up to serve. I’m like, “Whatever you need me to do.” And I just knew that was like my next step in this life reset. Okay. Well, I got offered a job to come work for this church 10 years ago. So, I’ve been I’ve been on staff here for 10 years at Stevens Creek Church, and they let me, you know, they let me do this uh nonprofit. Pastor Marty’s got a heart for people in recovery. And um he’s been encouraging the whole way. The staff’s been amazing. Um and so, you know, that’s how I was able to write that book. Um that’s how I was to to do this podcast um and create this nonprofit was was through them, but or because of them. But the reason I say all that is in the very beginning, if you would have Jesus jukeed me, you maybe would have lost me. And so I have to be very careful with people. Um I love Jesus. That’s he’s one he’s the dad, you know, and I have that relationship with him as I understand him. Just like I’m a 15 year old person in sobriety. Well, I only met him 13 years ago. You know what I mean? So I’m a 13y old person. So I’m I’m still in process. So I’m not here to preach to people. Um, there’s a chapter in there on faith, but it’s my faith. That’s the way that I found faith. And it’s the it’s the second to the last chapter. The last chapter is you take this and not a pyramid scheme, but you take this tool and you give it to somebody else because that’s how we we carry the message to someone else. So, I just had to say that though like I am a believer, but there’s no scripture in the in this. And a lot of times I had to play you have to think about the the government uh these these government funded treatment centers they won’t let you have religious or spiritual books in there Christian based books. It has to be abroad I guess is the best word. Um and that’s how you get it in there. Yeah. You have to play their game. Yeah. No I absolutely and for me um I I mention it it’s my story right? So, I don’t push it on anyone, but Jesus did save me, too. So, um I’m very I I say now like I was raised in church, but you know, I went through the motions and you feel a certain way when you’re young, right? And and maybe you feel intimidated or you know, you think of you envision the big guy in the sky, right? But today, I have a very different understanding. um just like this energetic connection to to love and I look at the outdoors differently, nature differently, just just life so differently and and I know that there’s and and it I’m a connection to it, you know, I’m just guided by this higher inner self, right? So it’s actually So are you a believer, Marcy? But and and very much so. I mean, I went into the church. I have a little story in my book and um but I don’t talk about it a lot because I know that it can turn people off. But for me, aa um you know, they’re they’re in churches. They’re in the common area of a church generally. And I there was this one that was my home chapter and I went into the little um they had a small chapel there and I would just sit at the front and and pray to this little sheep, this little picture of a sheep. It was a red background and a gold sheep and I would pray to Jesus and say, “You save me. I will follow you. You will forever be my shepherd and I will share your word and and and I ask him always to speak through me.” Right? So you know when you say I needed that message or you were speaking right to me I think that that’s maybe your higher self also through you know speaking through someone else right what you needed to hear what you needed to hear. So it’s beautiful how however you receive it at that time and when you’re ready to hear it or or are ready to you know we all we all have our different belief systems but just to believe that something bigger you’re there’s something bigger than you and you don’t have to do it alone. Yeah. And that’s one thing that people need to hear in the beginning is is um there is a power that’s greater than us. Like if you finally do make it to the doors of recovery day one, you didn’t get there on your own. You know what I mean? Does that I’m not trying to be too overspiritual, but some of us are brought home, you know, because we we we fall short to our addiction. Um and some of us get that chance that we’re we’re looking for and some of us get multiple chances, you know, like some of us don’t figure it out. And so, um you and I, we’re the lucky ones. We we got it. Um, we’re that 10%. Um, and and we we work hard every day to just not It is a daily daily practice. Yeah.

Well, Eric, I I can’t thank you enough for coming on Wake Up with Marcy and just the people that you’re helping on other people’s podcasts, all the things that you’re doing, um, helping my listeners. And um for all you out there, please go out and get Eric’s book, Marriage After Addiction, and it’s an incredible book. Like I said, I went through it. Um listen to the Recovery Val podcast, connect with him on YouTube. I’ll have everything down in the show notes. Um and I just again, thank you so much for coming on the show, Eric. Yeah, thank you so much for letting me come on the show and thank you for the plug. You did really good. Do I owe you anything for that? like you can have me on your show. Absolutely. You’re coming. Now you’re you’re in uh New Jersey, right? I am. I am. Yeah. So, do you prefer like Riverside or do you want to come to like Dallas or Augusta, Georgia? Uh well, as much as I would love to, um I think I would have to go on Riverside the F. That’s fun. We’re booking for 2026, so probably maybe January, February. Awesome. I’m awesome. I’m in, Eric. I would be honored to be on your show. And for all you guys out there, just thank you for listening to Wake Up with Marcy. And just please know that you’re not alone and you are worthy and you are beautiful and change is possible. And if you would, I I ask of you to please subscribe on your favorite podcast platform or YouTube so you never miss an episode or share with someone that needs to hear this message. You are worthy of peace, healing, and joy. For more show information, go to wake upwithmarcy.com. And I look forward to seeing you next week. Bye-bye.