Wake Up With Marci

Welcome to Wake Up with Marcy, a deep dive into self-discovery. I’m your host, Marcy Hopkins, and this is the space where we get real about life, transformation, and finding our true selves. Hello all, and welcome back to Wake Up with Marcy, where we share real stories and conversations that inspire transformation, healing, and joy. I’m your host, Marcy Hopkins, and I am so grateful that you are here with me. Today, we’re going to dive into a topic that’s most often misunderstood or underdised and really, let’s be honest, still stigmatized, and that’s menopause. Today’s guest is Lauren Tetenbomb, a licensed clinical social worker, women’s rights advocate, and the author of Millennial Menopause: Preparing for Perry Menopause, Menopause, and Life’s Next Period. Love that. A fresh, relatable, and empowering guide that helps every millennial woman and her needs from mental health and hormones to careers, relationships, and how menopause is portrayed in the media. Lauren is helping women rewrite the story. This isn’t just the end of one chapter, it’s the beginning of a new era. So, Lauren, thank you so much for being on the show and I’m super excited you’re here. Thank you so much for having me.

So, let’s talk a little bit about this book. I mean, this is a huge topic. Obviously, um I’m grateful that we are beginning this conversation and there’s more understanding around it. But why was it important for you to write this book? And what did you find that was missing in the conversation around this topic? I’m laughing because everything was missing in the conversation. Um, I was approaching 40 and I realized that I knew very little about menopause and I work in a healthcare adjacent field as a psychotherapist. I’ve always been passionate about women’s reproductive health, women’s reproductive mental health. And it was astounding to me how little I knew. And then the more I learned, I was even more shocked that I hadn’t learned it. And I really felt that my peers, my millennial generation, my clients, my friends, we all needed to know more. We deserve to know more. And I set out to learn and I wrote it all down. So tell me what are some things like top three things that you learned that you had no idea about? The fact that perry menopause which is the phase leading up to the final menstrual period and characterized by fluctuating hormones. The fact that that can last for several years and start in one’s 30s is number one. Number two, the fact that pmenopause can involve very severe mental health symptoms and implications. And number three, that hormone therapy is generally safe and effective as an option to treat symptoms because I had grown up under the shadow of the WHI study and we were effectively told that it causes cancer and it’s not an option. Yeah.

So let me ask you this because obviously mental health is really important uh a really important topic for me. Um I myself um in 56 and so I am on the other side. I guess I’m in menopause now. Now I started pmenopause very early. I was like maybe 41. My gynecologist didn’t even she wouldn’t even acknowledge that that was happening. Right. I’m sorry. And yeah, so um you fight for it if you know like it’s just, you know, have the test done. It’s an easy little test that you can have done. But one of the things that I noticed like I mentally felt like I was spiraling out of control and like my PMS was just I thought everyone hated me. Um like I I was in such a darkness and actually my drinking elevated even more. I I quit drinking when I was 46. 45 46 and but I realized like that few years I spiraled out of control. Yeah. So, can you talk a little bit more to that because I don’t think that women understand how truly impactful it is on our mental health. I totally agree. I don’t think that healthc care providers truly understand. And thank you so much for sharing because that’s what we have to do, right? We have to share our stories. We have to help other women even though each of our experiences will be different. But what you’re describing and it’s interesting the word spiraling is something I hear a lot when it comes to pmenopause and mental health symptoms and that feeling of being out of control. One woman said it was like a demon took over my body. Um and she sort of she knew she didn’t want to act this way or yell at her kids or hate her husband, but she couldn’t help herself. Yeah. And we see a lot of rage. We see a lot of sadness and anxiety and that irritability on a huge scale and these symptoms are common but that doesn’t mean you have to accept them as your new normal and there are many tools that we now know we can implement whether it’s through hormone therapy through SSRIs through cognitive behavioral therapy through a combination that can alleviate these symptoms and they do very often pop up as some of the first symptoms of pmenopause and women I think are so used to telling themselves I’m just tired I’m just stressed it’s just this phase of life and then when their healthc care providers are saying nothing’s wrong with you or this is just life right now of course they feel even more alone and it can impact them even further absolutely.

So I do love that we are starting to have the conversation right and the the study are finally happening. I mean, believe it or not, it’s very new that these things are being um studied as you know, but why does it why is there so still so much shame around it? I’m making a a kind of sarcastic smile because I think the answer boils down to misogyny and the way that we value women. And I think it’s a really unfortunate reality that collectively we are overcoming, but it’s it’s a long road ahead. And all women of all ages, all allies need to be talking about these issues, need to be valuing women beyond their reproductive years and abilities. And as a culture, we also need to remove the stigma around aging. We tend to think of aging as a negative and something to be feared when in fact it’s a beautiful privilege. It is uh listen I’m glad I know what I know today. I’ll tell you wisdom and you you do get so much more on kind of a different note but you just get so much more comfortable in your skin but I had to go through a lot to get here. Um, so focusing in on millennials, you kind of touched on that because you are a millennial, but what is different like why millennials? Sure. So millennials technically were born between 1981 and 1996. And what makes us unique I think is that we’ve been through a lot and all generations have but we came of age during 9/11 and of course we became very comfortable with digital media and access to the internet etc. And I think in part of the traumas that we’ve endured and our ability to connect via social media and beyond, we are used to talking about tough topics or we’ve gotten more comfortable at least than generations prior. So we’ve seen a trend. Women and men are talking more about fertility struggles, motherhood struggles, mental health, and what we want out of our fulfillment in our careers, etc. And I think that menopause is the next chapter for both what we’re going to experience and what we should be talking about. I love to hear that because I, you know, it makes me really think about that like what you have gone through and it enables you to face the harder subjects. So yeah, I appreciate you sharing that because and we’re building on the amazing work that the women in Gen X etc. have have started and I think again it’s so important to all collaborate and be a part of this together.

Yeah, I love that. So let’s talk about when we are creating this shift, right? Like what as a mom and as high achievers like how are we shifting the way that we think about ourselves during the pmenopause menopause stage? Great question. I think that we have to and this is something I encourage all of my clients and friends to do. We have to know ourselves. So if something is feeling a little bit different or new and we don’t like it, we have to get support and resources for it. And that might be waking up in the middle of the night or the moodiness that you alluded to. It doesn’t have to be, you know, the severe hot flashes that we tend to think of when we think about menopause. And so when you know yourself, I think it’s really important to listen to yourself and to say, “Yes, I am a busy, exhausted mom and trying to do a million and one things, but you know what? I’m not feeling as good as I think I could feel, and I’m going to reach out for support.” And support is and can and should come in many forms at home, at the doctor’s office, in the workplace, in your community. And I just think that women and moms especially tend to put themselves last on their to-do list, but we need to do a better job of prioritizing our own health. Well, yes, because then we we are better for ourselves and then for everyone else. In turn, we’re better for everyone around us, right? Like we we really are the glues. So if we start coming apart ourselves, it it really impacts everyone and everything around us.

So you were talking about some ways that we can help ourselves. What what help is there out there? Who do we go to? What are the questions we need to ask? Sure. So, I am a huge believer in building a a team and it should include a medical provider who can run lab tests to rule out any other kind of illnesses of course or conditions and potentially prescribe medication that you might need. Medication is a tool in our toolbox. So, it could be anti-depressants, could be hormone therapy, whatever is right for you. And all women should be offered information on all of the above. I also of course believe in psychotherapy and we know that cognitive behavioral therapy in particular can be really impactful to alleviate menopause symptoms. I can’t say enough the importance of social connection. It’s good for our cognitive health, which is of course a major issue as we age, but also for levity and fun and maintaining that social interactions is so good for our mental health. Exercise, strength building, um, strength training and sleep is is one of my favorite things uh, lifestylewise to to work on. And the questions that we should be asking are what do I need to optimize my health and and then we need to go after that.

Yeah. So sleep that’s a big one and and the heat hot flashes that are happening and you know sleep at the core affects pretty much everything right our stress health how we just interact throughout the day um brain fog all of that so can we help ourselves like let’s just choose that one right now sleep how can we help ourselves with sleep so I like to tell women of all ages. Prioritize your sleep because building good habits will only serve you later on when you’re in the menopause transition when sleep might not be as accessible because of the other physical symptoms going on, the inability to stay asleep, perhaps the needing to urinate in the middle of the night, you know, night sweats, all the things. So, if you have good habits, you’re starting off at a good baseline. And of course, if you then experience those things like the night sweats, etc. that are disruptive, get the right help for that. There’s cooling blankets. There’s of course, you know, just the therm, put it on a low setting. I spoke with a couple of sleep experts. They both really strongly recommended a cool and very dark room. Yeah. No screens before bed. um which we all I think know but when we really emphasize the importance of sleep it’s something that we should do a better job with and again medication if you need it and therapy if you’re ruminating and can’t get rid of intrusive thoughts but sleep really is medicine itself exactly just so you know um anti-depressants help me that’s what I was put on but I I don’t even I wasn’t even really given any other uh alternative but it ended up working for me. So I was grateful for that.

Now, another one that comes up a lot is around intercourse and sex and our sexual drive and dryness, things that we may not think that this can be that perry menopause can be affecting and it can really and that’s a big big part. But but women are very uncomfortable going in and speaking about it to their gynecologist or being honest, right? So talk to us a little bit more about that. Like what should we look for and is there help? Yes, I’m so happy to say that help is available, but I agree before we even get there tends to be a disconnect. I think a large part of that does fall on clinicians who can and should be doing more of asking open-ended questions and creating a safe space for the patient in front of them to express themselves. When it comes to libido, we know that often libidos get lower as we age and of course as the stress of life consumes us. body image issues can come into play if we’re not feeling good in our bodies, if we’re not feeling sexy, right? The mental load and then the vaginal dryness and what they used to call vaginal atrophy. The tissue gets thinner. So, it’s quite painful at at worst and you know just you’re not that into it at best, right? Fortunately, there are things we can do. I think normalizing talking about sex in general is important and using proper terminology with body parts and yeah, you know, just being more comfortable in general. And then there are products and medications that we can use. There’s a vaginal estrogen which is safe and effective for every woman that we are trying to remove the blackbox warning on. Hormone therapy again can help. Different kinds of lubes. There’s also two different uh new medication, newish, they’re not that new, but new medications called Addi and Bissi that women can take that too few people know about, but I am encouraging us all to seek out information because we should be told about our options. Yeah, 100%. And also, I have an incredible gynecologist and she has a machine called the Mona Lisa. I don’t know if you’ve heard that. And that’s about the cellular regeneration and helps with that thinning and the pain and the pain that comes with that. I’m so happy to hear that and to hear that you’re aware of it. I have been to many events on menopause and nearly every time a woman will be beautifully brave and share her story and say, “I’ve been experiencing pain with any sort of insertion, tampons, fingers, anything for years and and I don’t know what’s help going to help me.” And that’s heartbreaking because it shouldn’t get to that point. And I understand why it has because of our culture and because we don’t have the right training. but it doesn’t have to. And of course, also there’s communication with your partner if you have one. And learning to know what works for you and your body as well is really important. So please, please, please get help. It’s available 100%.

And another huge one, Lauren, let’s be real. Women are always concerned about their weight. Yeah. Right. and oh now I’m hitting pmenopause, menopause, you know, I I can’t help it. I’m just going to gain weight. What do you say to that? I say a few things. Um it’s always important to of course have a nutritious diet, right? And I don’t mean diet in terms of abstaining from food, but just what we eat. Leafy greens, whole grains, eggs, you know, protein, of course, is is having a moment. and fiber. That’s kind of all stuff we we’ve already known. And I personally think it’s important to enjoy your life and, you know, have the treats if that’s what makes you feel good. The reality is that as we age, our bodies do change. And I think that sometimes there’s a lot of room for working on acceptance. You know, why should a 50-year-old look the way she did at 20? Maybe she shouldn’t. That being said, of course, it’s difficult to encounter change and not recognize ourselves. And we also need to be careful of the midsection weight gain because it can have other impacts on cardiovascular health and things like that. So, I would say live your life, eat nutritiously, and if you need if it’s bothering you, much like your libido might be, might not be, but if it’s bothering you, get help. Work with a trainer, work with a nutritionist. We’ve seen a lot of data on GLP-1 medications in coordination with hormone therapy be really effective for one’s health and that’s what it boils down to. It’s one’s health, not one’s gene size. Do you like hormone therapy? I think that if that is what works for someone that they should absolutely pursue it. They could also try it and we know that it’s safe and effective for most women unless they have a contraindication.

Okay. So, I know that your book, I’m so excited for you. Congratulations. Just came out and it it’s packed with stories and solutions and science um and a great resource. But can you share a few practical things that someone could start doing today to help themselves emotionally and physically? Yeah, I would say I’ll share some things that I’ve done. Start strength training. so important. We often don’t think about it, but it is incredibly vital for our bone health, our brain health. Everything is connected and it’s something that we need to be doing so that we are strong as we age. That’s hugely important. I would also say make sure to talk about these issues. Again, every woman would go through things differently, but just knowing that you’re not alone in this journey, that what worked for your best friend may not work for you because you might have different symptoms, but being able to say, “I’m kind of feeling weird, you know, any any advice, any solidarity, that can just be so powerful and beautiful.” So, I, as you can imagine, talk about this stuff all the time with my girlfriends, and I think that we all should be doing that. And I really encourage people to know themselves. You know your body, your mood best. If something is different and not what you want it to be, talk about it. Ask for help. Get the information and resources you need. Love it. Love it. And you’re not alone. Yeah. Every lady around you is going through the same. Exactly.

So, I just want to thank you so much, Lauren, for coming on and empowering us and, you know, communicating something that it can be so difficult to to talk about and honestly definitely hard to understand, right? And and to learn to advocate for ourselves. So, thank you again for coming on Wake Up. Thank you for having me. So, I just want to let you know for all of you guys out there, if you are wondering if you’re in perrymont menopause or you know heading into the menopause, I just want to say Lauren, you said a few years for that pmenopause can be up to 10 years. I just want you to know that you can uh find Lauren’s upcoming book, Millennial Menopause. And um can you find it anywhere? Yes, it’s available wherever books are sold. Amazon, Barnes & Noble, independent bookstores. If you go to millennial menopause.com, that’s my website or it’ll take you to my website that has all my contact info and if I can’t help you directly, I will try my best to point you in the right direction. Awesome. Amazing. Lauren, thank you for the work you’re doing again. And before we go, I want to invite you to join me for the upcoming Shatterproof Walk for Recovery. I’m going to be mceing the event and I’m building a team, team Wake Up with Marcy, and I would love for you to walk with me. That event is going to be in New York City October 25th and also in LA uh November 9th. I’ll be doing both of those. So, I’m going to link the details and the and all the information below along with Lauren’s information. And I want you to remember, please, that you are not broken. You are powerful, worthy, and just getting started. And I’ll see you next week. Have a great week.